The long awaited video...
Boarts vs The Fence Need I say more.

From an email...................

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for
me...

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished... and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin good I feel.... You must pass this on to
those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.

In case anyone is following the political process or just wants a good laugh.

http://www.jibjab.com/

http://www.teamabuse.com/toxic/stuff/swk.htm

Dennis' High school video has finally been found!

I just had to post this - check it out!

http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/

Well it is the holidays.. and while this is not a holiday joke it is funny i think


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It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who said "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'" Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863"

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you." She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" Suzuki said, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."

Note: This is a pretty old joke, but since nothing else has been posted in a while, what the hell....... Your welcome Madl

SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY

Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
A. "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation.
A. A different bar.

Q. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A. They named him "Sum Ting Wong."

Q. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
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I had to post this to bring some humor to all your lives.

For those of you who thought me loosing my job on Monday (other article I posted HERE) was about as bad as it can get... it gets better.

My car got broken into last night. Stereo gone and car wont start now. The up side is getting to file my first police report, fun fun.

If their is some sorta weird planetary alignment i should know about please let me know so i can contact my vodoo priest.

thank you and enjoy your day :)

BTW, resume is still available GET IT WHILE ITS HOT!

Take it like a *****!

When men were stopped in the streets of Columbia and asked if they wanted to lick a woman's breast many thought their dreams had come true.


The women would pose seductively outside glitzy bars and restaurants and encourage goggle-eyed men to stop their cars and take a closer look.

But after helping themselves to what was on offer, the men would wake up hours later to find their wallets and cars missing.

Unbeknown to the men the temptresses had smeared the breasts with a powerful drug that reduced their victims to a stupor. Bogota police said the narcotic caused the men to lose their will-power.

"They dissolved the pills in water and rubbed it into their breasts," a spokeswoman said.

Three women, in their late teens and early 20s, have been arrested.

link to article... http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,15410-1018360,00.html

Well fellas Independence Day is soon upon us and I just wanted to make sure to say farewell to everyone. I will be attending the fireworks display on the Mall in D.C. and I am sure that these will be my final moments. As I'm sure most of you have heard, there are terrorist attacks expected to take place on the 4th. I thought I should be an upstanding citizen of the great country of ours and not show fear by attending the annual display. Plus isn't going just half the fun. Sure seeing some fireworks would be great, but wouldn't seeing the washington monument or the capital being completely anhiliated be a little more exciting. After I american give me a little violence and I'm a happy man. I'm looking forward to having the tension in the air with everyone wondering if something is going to happen. It's like being at the Super Bowl with the game tied, only seconds remaining and Chris Brown kicking into the wind. Ya just never know whats going to happen. These things just make for a more interesting day. As for the terrorists, they can all blow themseleves up. Since moving here to the district I have crossed many a path the these people and you know what, THEY ALL SMELL BAD! Also they have a monopoly on cabs and you think Microsoft was bad. But enough ranting. I just wanted to say goodbye if the highly unlikely attack should wipe me clean of the face of the earth, but don't feel sorry for me cause I'll probably be so shitfaced I won't feel a thing.

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid" That way you wouldn't ask them anything.

It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind, I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago ...
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As soon as I saw this site, all I could think of was the nights Eberhardt has gone on a humping rampage.

http://www.ihumpthings.com

Here's some more "Purity" tests to keep some of you idiots occupied for a while!

Enjoy!

http://www.armory.com/tests/

Mack

A Priest is at church hearing confession one day. The first man of the day enters the confessional and begins to speak.

" Father" he says " I have sined, commited adultry."

The Priest replies " My son go and say 10 hail marys and 10 our fathers, and your sins will be forgiven."

A second man enters the confessional and begins to speak.

"Father, I have sined. I have broken the commandment, Thou Shalt Not Steal."

The Priest replies " My son go and say 5 hail marys and 5 our fathers, and your sins wil be forgiven."

Now a third man enters and begins to speak.

"Father, I have sined. I have been getting blowjobs from little boys."

the Priest not knowing what to do, asks the man to wait there while he consults the Cardinal. the priest then enters the Cardinals and asks him:

"Cardinal what to you give for blowjobs from little boys."

The Cardinal looks at the Priest and replies:

"I give them 2 candy bars and a pepsi."


-This is a sick, sick world we live in

Well hello guys. Just thought I drop a line and let you know how D.C. is. But there is one thing that keeps worrying me. The fact That I'm an intern in D.C. The crime capitol of the country. But thats not what's really bothering me, it's the track record of previous interns in this fabled town. I keep wondering if things don't turn out am I gonna have to blow sombody or maybe I'll turn up dead in a park, only to be found when some homless guy is pissing on my decomposed skull. But one things for sure, no one is sticking a cigar anywhere. Well back to work with one eye on screen and one at my back.

Note: Remember G, be careful of anyone telling you the new dress code involves wearing a french beret!
- Lindner

A woman went to her doctor and said that she wanted an operation because her
vagina lips are much too large. She asked the doctor to keep the operation a
secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out.

The doctor agreed. She woke up from her operation and found three roses
carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the
doctor and said," I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my
operation!"

Don't worry," he said, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I
felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.

The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she
had the operation done herself."

"Who is the third rose from?" she asked.

"Oh," said the doctor, that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He
wanted to thank you for his new ears."

Next time you see Kinger, just think of this joke!

In light of the recent engagements/weddings I've seen over the past year or so, I came across this article which I thought was pretty amusing. At least the IT guys in the fraternity may appreciate it.

While I am in NO position to offer any sound advice (all things considered) to my fellow brothers, please be aware of what you are getting yourself into once you tie the knot.

Read this article for a good laugh...
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A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see this 10 year old boy. The catholic priest looks at the rabbi and says "You wanna ***** him?" The rabbi looks at the priest and says "Outta what?"

A Michigan fan , Ohio State fan and Penn State fan were all in Saudi Arabia sharing a case of booze they smuggled into the country.
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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her:

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Little Johnny swears all the time. His mom tells him, "One more swear word out of you and you can hit the road!" Sure enough, Little Johnny utters one more, and mom sends him packing. When it got dark, his mom got a little concerned. She was going to go look for him, but as soon as she opened the front door, there he sat on the front porch. "You thought it over and decided to change your ways, right?" She asked. "No." Little Johnny said, "I'm 7 years old, where the ***** could I go?"

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
"According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger," the blonde replied.
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and took him to where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, and turned to her, saying, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a glass of wine and then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.”
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."


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After some investigation into the Enron conspiracy, the government has found the cause of the initial problems Click here for the story and to see how other companies are handling this issue

Click here to check out the formal pictures, courtesy of Mr. Brian Lindner. Once I get things in order we'll have a more permanent gallery here on the website.

Note: The New home for images is here!! check out the Formal 2001 Image Gallery to see the pictures
- Lindner

After receiving some submissions that were borderline truth and flat-out funny (case in point, a good submission by McArdle about Ropele's biologically related date to formal), I thought a new section was in order that would allow people to post some less factual and more humorous articles to the website. And who else to be our poster child for the section than Smalley himself?

I would just like to thank Kevin Murray for almost killing himself during our ski trip to CO. He somehow managed to ski right into two pine trees that were off all by themselves, taking the top foot of of the first one.The second one got the best of him though knocking him on his ass. One of the funniest things I have ever seen. Way to go Tool!

Note: Nice job Murray... good way to almost pull a Sonny Bono. -Woycheck

This may be an action that will be regretted, but this serves as a request for any electronic pictures from fraternity events (alumni weekend, formal, etc). A page(s) will be put together featuring pictures from various different activities... drop an e-mail if you have any you'd be willing to share.