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Last 5 Comments
 
  Jokes

Jokes : The way to achieve inner peace...
: Humor - Funny Stuff
Lindner on Nov 16, 2004 - 10:54 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


From an email...................

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for
me...

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished... and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin good I feel.... You must pass this on to
those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.




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Jokes : American History
: Humor - Funny Stuff
SigTau208 on Aug 23, 2002 - 11:04 AM
Humor - Funny Stuff


It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who said "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'" Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863"

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you." She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" Suzuki said, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."



Note: This is a pretty old joke, but since nothing else has been posted in a while, what the hell....... Your welcome Madl

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Jokes : SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY
: Humor - Funny Stuff
Lindner on Jul 25, 2002 - 12:31 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY

Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
A. "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation.
A. A different bar.

Q. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A. They named him "Sum Ting Wong."

Q. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Read more...



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Jokes : A joke for all you alter boys out there!
: Humor - Funny Stuff
Gmoney on May 30, 2002 - 09:53 AM
Humor - Funny Stuff


A Priest is at church hearing confession one day. The first man of the day enters the confessional and begins to speak.

" Father" he says " I have sined, commited adultry."

The Priest replies " My son go and say 10 hail marys and 10 our fathers, and your sins will be forgiven."

A second man enters the confessional and begins to speak.

"Father, I have sined. I have broken the commandment, Thou Shalt Not Steal."

The Priest replies " My son go and say 5 hail marys and 5 our fathers, and your sins wil be forgiven."

Now a third man enters and begins to speak.

"Father, I have sined. I have been getting blowjobs from little boys."

the Priest not knowing what to do, asks the man to wait there while he consults the Cardinal. the priest then enters the Cardinals and asks him:

"Cardinal what to you give for blowjobs from little boys."

The Cardinal looks at the Priest and replies:

"I give them 2 candy bars and a pepsi."


-This is a sick, sick world we live in




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Jokes : Kinger's Left Ear!
: Humor - Funny Stuff
SigTau208 on May 21, 2002 - 04:06 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


A woman went to her doctor and said that she wanted an operation because her
vagina lips are much too large. She asked the doctor to keep the operation a
secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out.

The doctor agreed. She woke up from her operation and found three roses
carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the
doctor and said," I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my
operation!"

Don't worry," he said, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I
felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.

The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she
had the operation done herself."

"Who is the third rose from?" she asked.

"Oh," said the doctor, that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He
wanted to thank you for his new ears."

Next time you see Kinger, just think of this joke!




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Jokes : A Priest & A Rabbi
: Humor - Funny Stuff
SigTau208 on May 08, 2002 - 04:17 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see this 10 year old boy. The catholic priest looks at the rabbi and says "You wanna ***** him?" The rabbi looks at the priest and says "Outta what?"




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Jokes : Some simple humor for all you PSU Football Fans!
: Humor - Funny Stuff
mack on Apr 25, 2002 - 11:47 AM
Humor - Funny Stuff


A Michigan fan , Ohio State fan and Penn State fan were all in Saudi Arabia sharing a case of booze they smuggled into the country.
Read more...



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Jokes : A guy wants a blowjob
: Humor - Funny Stuff
SigTau208 on Apr 09, 2002 - 06:34 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her:

Read more...



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Jokes : Little Johnny at it Again
: Humor - Funny Stuff
mack on Mar 15, 2002 - 03:19 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


Little Johnny swears all the time. His mom tells him, "One more swear word out of you and you can hit the road!" Sure enough, Little Johnny utters one more, and mom sends him packing. When it got dark, his mom got a little concerned. She was going to go look for him, but as soon as she opened the front door, there he sat on the front porch. "You thought it over and decided to change your ways, right?" She asked. "No." Little Johnny said, "I'm 7 years old, where the ***** could I go?"




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Jokes : The Puzzle
: Humor - Funny Stuff
Lindner on Mar 04, 2002 - 12:35 PM
Humor - Funny Stuff


A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
"According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger," the blonde replied.
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and took him to where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, and turned to her, saying, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a glass of wine and then put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."




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